they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
