After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
