I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
