two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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