the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
