I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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