dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
