I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
