why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
