I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
