The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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