My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
