Me. At least after what I've been through.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
