I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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