so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We talked him into tasing himself.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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