He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
