his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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