nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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