This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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