Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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