You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
