I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
