What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
