Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
