so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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