if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
