Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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