What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
