He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I am available for nakedness
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
