Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
