Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I need to calm my uterus...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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