Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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