yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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