I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
