I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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