...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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