I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
