The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
