I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
