you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
