I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
How's work?
Spinning.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
