Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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