yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
