i'm lost and i look like a hooker
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I came so hard my ears popped.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
