Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
