I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
