Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
