She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
