just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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