My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
