I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
