Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
